Today marks one week since you were taken from us, and one week and 2 days since you were born. In 9 days I feel that your father and I have lived a lifetime.
As you know my dearest Aoibh, on the 24th May 2018 we were told that you had a heart defect, Transposition of the Great Arteries. We were told that while you were still in the uterus you were strong and healthy. So, there was nothing else to do but go back to work and try and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. We were reassured that the medical team had a plan- I would be induced and when you arrived heart surgery would be planned. We were told that it was a serious diagnosis, but one with lots of positive outcomes and the likelihood of you going on to live a normal life was high.
This information did reassure and I focused on enjoying the rest of my pregnancy. Nothing made me happier than talking to you on my way to work in the morning or watching my stomach move as you wriggled about inside. I particularly loved talking to your cousins about you.
I even pushed myself to buy stuff for you. We bought a pram, Moses basket and some beautiful clothes. It breaks my heart when I think I will not get to dress you in those clothes. You may have hated the ridiculous unicorn hoodie but I would have loved to see you in it!
Today I find myself not thinking about your passing, but of how I struggled on the lead up to your birth. I definitely was scared about what was to come and can remember saying that I would be happy if you could stay inside me forever. I don’t know if it was fear or some unconscious knowledge of what was to come, but I could not imagine the point when I would take you home. I couldn’t imagine you in your pram or Moses basket, and I didn’t nag your dad to sort the isofix for the car (and nagging, according to your father, is what I do best!). I hope you don’t think that we didn’t want to bring you home, we wanted it more than anything in the world, but I do think we were terrified of loving you too much too soon in case we got our hearts broken. As it turns out in the two days that you were alive we grew to love you more than anything in the world and our hearts have been shattered into a thousand pieces.
Maybe my heart and head are protecting me from thinking too much at the minute about how we went from your birth to your death in such a short period of time… that is probably a letter for another day
I love you to the moon and back, forever yours
Mum xx
Dear Aoibh 
Ah Catriona, these two blogs are brilliant, I love them, even though I’m sitting crying as I read them. My heart is breaking for you both, you parents, sisters and her wee cousins who won’t get the great pleasure to meet Aoibb. I look forward to more. I think it’s great that you can express yourself and your feelings so well. I know you will both be Ok, keep talking to each other and continue to find comfort in each other, as you are both going through the same experience, sadness and hurt. Xxx
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Catriona – these are the most beautiful, heartbreaking but perfect letters to the gorgeous angel Aoibh! Aoibh is taking out such a talented and creative part of you I never knew before with your fantastic words. Great tributes and as much as I wish you didn’t have to write your letters I cannot wait to read more!xx
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My darling catriona ;I am so sad for you and jens and at the same time so proud of you.you are both nursing broken hearts but these letters to our aoibh will help you and I think will help others too. Breaking my heart to read your beautiful words but so proud of you for writting them. All my love. Catherine
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