Dear Aoibh
As I write this your wonderful Dad is embracing his creative side. He is currently pressing flowers taken from the large number of beautiful bouquets we have received over the past few weeks. He tells me he has big plans for his pressed flowers and that they will be the central part of a picture tribute to you. I am in awe of his creativity but if I’m completely honest I am also a little jealous of his focused mind today.
People told me I would have good days and bad days but I didn’t realise that they would come in such quick succession to each other. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me. When I have a better day I stupidly think “ok, maybe this is it, maybe this the day that the tears will end” but then I wake up to start another day and I feel like I am back to square one again.
Today I have felt a physical ache in my chest from which I have struggled to break free. I have found myself pacing back and forth trying to find some peace that seems so far away. I have clutched your blanket and it has brought me comfort and pain in equal measure. When I hold it I feel closer to you, but it also makes me angry that I am not getting to tuck your blanket around you.
Although I wish the better days would come soon, I also know in my heart that there is no way to rush this process. I suppose I need to just embrace the good days whenever they do come and make sure to make the most of them.
I don’t think I will be pressing flowers any time soon but then again if this experience can lead your dad to be a flower pressing expert, who knows where I might end up!
Forever yours
Mum xx
Dear Aoibh 