My darling Aoibh
Today I have taken my first very tentative steps towards my new ‘normal’ and have decided to stay over in our house for the first time since we lost you. As I write this I am curled up with your Dad in my favourite chair with my favourite blanket watching my favourite TV programme.
Its hard not to think about the last time I was tucked up in the same position the night before we went to Dublin to have you. It really does feel like a life time ago. I was full of anxiety, but also hope. I spent the evening trying to imagine what you would look like and chatting to you about what was to come. I thought about the risks involved in your heart surgery but I honestly never considered any potential that you wouldn’t even get the chance to have that surgery. I suppose that’s what makes this all so much harder to believe and understand. My pregnancy was dominated by various doctors explaining your heart condition to me and talking through the plan of surgery and what would come after that. I thought a hundred times about how tough the day of your heart surgery would be, and now I would give anything to be sitting in the hospital waiting to hear how your surgery had gone.
I hate that I should be planning which mother and baby classes to go to once you left hospital and instead I am looking up local bereavement groups. I feel anger that we have been given such a burden to carry, but I also feel gratitude that I now have you guiding my way towards my new ‘normal’.
forever yours
Mum xx
Dear Aoibh 
Catriona, it is a privilege to read your blog and to share those beautiful thoughts and feelings that Aoibh has planted forever in your heart. Having admired your little angel asleep in her basket in your mum and dad’s house I just can’t let go of that memory and neither do I want to forget her. May she continue to be your guiding light as your journey continues. Thank you for sharing those feeling with us, It makes me feel better to know .how you are doing.
Forever in our thoughts Mary and Denis
LikeLike