Dear Aoibh
I have to be honest with you and let you know about one of my weaknesses… I love a comfort zone! Stepping even an inch outside my comfort zone fills me with anxiety. I am rubbish at meeting and chatting to new people and I am even worse at pushing myself to try new experiences. This makes me feel like a bit of fraud as I have spent my career in mental health encouraging my patients to get out there and try new things and telling them about the benefits of joining groups and talking to others about how they feel.
When I was pregnant I decided that your birth would be my turning point. I made a promise to you that we would go to lots of groups and classes. I was determined that I wouldn’t shy away from others, I would open up and say yes to any opportunities which presented themselves and I knew that you and I would feel all the better for it.
With all this in mind and despite all that has happened I have decided to keep that promise. I suppose now more than ever I need things to do and I definitely need the opportunity to talk. So last night your father and I went to a SANDS support group for the first time.
I was so anxious before we went; was it too soon to go? Would I be forced to speak? Would I embarrass myself and spend the session crying? Would the other group members be nice?
I am so relieved to be able to say that the group was wonderful. Yes I cried and yes when I started speaking I suddenly thought that this was all to raw to share, but I felt so supported. The other group members were great and although there was so much pain in that room, we all knew we were sharing it together.
I felt exhausted after the group and I am still feeling that exhaustion today but I also feel happy that your father and I went to the group, and I can definitely say that we will be going again.
My next challenge is tomorrow night- I have enrolled myself in a mindfulness course at the local college. I have decided to do it by myself and so will not have the comfort and support of your dad beside me, but I hope with all my heart that you will be there with me.
Once more, thank you for giving me strength that I never knew I had
Forever yours
Mum xx
Dear Aoibh 