My beautiful Aoibh
This morning your father and I finally registered your birth and death. I have to be honest and tell you I have been avoiding it. The hospital sent your death registration form to me weeks ago but in the interim I have found a multitude of reasons why I couldn’t register you just yet.
In retrospect I think the thought of it was worse than actual doing it. I got very little sleep last night and wondered if I would be able to get through the morning and prayed hard that you would stand by my side and give us the strength we needed. Thankfully the office was quiet and the process simple, just a few short forms to complete. I don’t imagine there are many things in life more painful than registering a birth and a death within minutes of each other but that was our reality. The registrar was gentle, she did not rush us and seemed to understand the importance of ensuring that every single small detail was correct. She asked about you, but also chatted about the weather, working hard to make us feel as comfortable as possible.
In order to prepare myself for today I found myself looking through your memory box last night. People talk about the things they would grab if their house was on fire, for me your memory box would absolutely be at the top of the list. It is so precious and contains so many special memories. It contains your hats and socks, your hospital bands and the booklet we read through during your christening. It even has a lock of your hair and prints of your beautiful hands and feet.
I wish with all my heart that I could have the opportunity to put more in that box over time, your first tooth or first pair of shoes, but I know that in reality your birth and death certificates are probably the last things that will be added to it.
Despite all the pain of today, I am glad. I am glad that there is now an official record of your life, and it’s nice to think that maybe in many years from now someone will find that record and think of you.
I hope I don’t have to face the prospect of registering another death for many many years to come, but I’ll continue to keep my fingers and toes crossed that maybe I will get to register the birth of your brother or sister at some point in the future. If or when that happens I promise I will carry you with me in my heart and will make sure that your sibling always knows your story and maybe your memory box will be as precious to them as it is to me.
All my love, forever yours
Mum xx
Dear Aoibh 