My dearest Aoibh
On the 23rd April at 12.29pm you became a big sister to your brother Liam. He arrived screaming into the world and I couldn’t help but think of how different your births were.
With you we were in a different city, everything was pre planned and it felt that I gave birth in a crowded room. You came into the world with an uneasy quietness and we were only able to steal a moment of cuddles with you before you were taken away to lots of doctors and nurses. The only thing I hoped for with your brother was that it would be quieter, and thankfully it was. Just me, your dad, a midwife and hopefully you looking on from above. I tried to channel your strength to get me through and thankfully the delivery went as straightforward as these things can.
I would love to say that all the professionals I came into contact with while pregnant understood the impact that your life and loss has had on us. Only one midwife during my pregnancy asked about how I was coping, and acknowledged the level of anxiety that I was living with. Even during your brother’s birth I heard midwives handing over that you died due to ‘abnormailites’ and it hurt to have someone sum up all our pain so bluntly. But all that said I have always been determined to continue to share your story, and these experiences have only reinforced my desire to use our experiences to improve things for others in the future if I can. I’m just still working out how best to do that!
At the minute I am sitting cuddling your brother thinking how lucky we are to have him after everything and struggling to believe that he is here filling our house with love. I only wish that you were here sharing all of this with us.
I have no doubt that there will be many more challenges ahead on this parenting after loss journey but I know that I will do all I can to make sure that Liam knows his big sister and you will always be part of our family, our first born.
All my love
Mum xx
Dear Aoibh 